Fall in Love…………..with Yourself and Develop a Charisma

What a piece of work is Man
How noble in reason
How infinite in faculties
In form and moving
How express and admirable
In action how like an angel
In apprehension, how like a god
The beauty of the world
The paragon of animals!

You wake up in the morning, already stressed for another day at office or business. The rush begins. After hurriedly doing the morning ablutions, you probably think of the plan for the day, important tasks at home and office, worried about what all can go wrong (We apply Murphy’s Law; whatever can go wrong, will…by constantly thinking negatively and worrying).
The commuting takes another huge part of your energy and you reach office already tired. The intense pressure begins and the race continues through the day. Then there is another round of irritating commuting (it can be a major harassment in metros of developing countries with traffic jams, chaos and indiscipline adding to chaos).
You reach home, burnt out looking for excuses, why you should do less work than your spouse and try to continue playing, 'passing the bucket' game which began at the office. The children tell some more problems which need your mediation and you feel you are the biggest donkey in the world. You watch TV as an escape, look for some comedy shows and sitcoms. You have already started worrying for the next day and sleep attacks you or rather saves you from further worries.
Typical lifecycles for most of us. I will share a joke (Shared with me by my uncle/family friend Late Shri Anand Bhardwaj long back) to release the stress I have created by bringing all those bad memories. Our life consists of four animal phases. As children we are like rabbits, everyone pampers us and plays with us. Then we grow into youth and become energetic horses. Next phase is getting married and becoming donkeys with all kinds of burdens possible. The final phase begins as a dog (old age) where we keep waiting for our children to serve us food and feel we are at their mercy.

With such hectic schedules where already there is lot of guilt of responsibilities not shared, tasks left undone, how can one think of spending quality time with oneself? “What a cruel joke you are playing with me, Dr Amit? (with emphasis added to Dr, to suggest sarcasm)”, my friends tell me.
Ok, let’s try to find some practical solutions. It is important to connect with the self to truly connect with others (to have a calm mind, to understand your own true desires, to balance between your desires and family responsibilities) Find a space and time to be quiet. Start with a realistic time of just five minutes and spend time with the most important person in your life; yourself.
Only when one is connected to one’s inner core, is one connected to others….And for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be refound through solitude.
Anne M. Lindbergh
When we work under pressure (with added pressures of family and society), we tend to forget why and in which direction we are running. We might be running to hit the wall and collapse. Once you have truly connected with the self, you will find that perfect joy and peace, you had spent your entire life chasing yet it remaining out of reach. Earlier (when I was not connected with myself) I would sing, "You can do magic", Now I sing, "I can do magic (to myself)"
"We have to be learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our worst enemies" Roderick Thorp

So you think, you are the unluckiest person in the world with all problems possible and zero support systems. Your life has already collapsed and there is no way it can be normalized. The light may seem dim and the dark tunnel may seem too long, but the light is there and once you are out of the tunnel there is bright light. Once I wrote on Facebook, “You are fiery, you are fire, and you may burn me into ashes. But I will rise.......rise from the ashes like the proverbial Phoenix”
The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. Just resolve today, "I am not going to be a burnout which I am being pushed into." In the ancient India, there was a stress release room called Kopebhawan (building/room for sadness). The kings and queens would go and break glass bottles and do such things to release their stress. The way we are moving, will we have Corporate Kopebhawans in the future? Remember, sad people attract sad people, lonely people attract lonely people, emotional people attract emotional people, happy people attract ALL people.
Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains
At the huge waves of the sea
At the long courses of the rivers
At the vast compass of the ocean
At the circular motion of the stars
And they pass by themselves without wondering.
St Augustine

Nitesh Mittal, a former student of mine, wrote few beautiful lines in this connection to me, "Often we attempt to live our lives backwards; we try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what we want, so we will be happier. I think the way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want...!" Sometimes the young generation surprises me with its maturity. (My Indian students tell me, you are not young anymore as you have crossed 20s. Dear students, don't tell this to any westerner)
Ask yourself every day, “Do I plan quality time with myself, for myself? Personally, my sense of individuality has always been high and I have always been a little narcissist and a little in love with myself. I think it’s important to like and respect yourself if you want to be liked and respected by others. That’s the best way of creating a magic in your personality, a charisma…

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Dr Amit Nagpal is a Global Success Coach and Personal Branding Consultant. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch.

He may be reached at amitknagpal@gmail.com

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